Je suis Malade!

Mon dieu! Not again…

The first infection since the cystoscopy. Not as bad by any means, lasted 4 or 5 days, and the worst day was the first, as it always is. Came out of nowhere, I really have no idea what I might have done to trigger it- but considering a few days later I got struck down out of the blue by Vertigo (something I haven’t had since I was about 19) and horrendous nausea, I think I might be considerably run down. I shook like a leaf, sat on the bathroom floor, terrified to move in case I hurled for a good 20 minutes.

I find it hard to understand why my health has suddenly taken a dip. I know they say that moving house is one of the most stressful things a human can go through, trumped only by death of a partner and various terrifying things- but I haven’t felt stressed! Sure my sleeping pattern has been a bit off, as Alex doesn’t seem to go to bed much before midnight, two if there’s a film on…and I haven’t been eating at regular times, and lunch seems to go out of the window…

I’m starting to see a link here. I need to sort things out, and look after myself better. Trouble is, food is expensive, and as there is no sign of dole money as yet- I find myself buying whatever’s cheap, mostly junk food, for fear of spending my savings.

Today I’ve spent most of the day in bed, either sleeping, dozing, reading, or working my way through the entire series of Frasier. Alex is watching Arsenal play in London with his Canadian friend, and won’t be back til late, and so I have been left to my own devices. It’s not been bad, a little dull perhaps, but it certainly makes me realise how much I appreciate him. We had a bit of a bicker two nights ago, and no matter how bad it seems at the time, I always wake up to him the next morning and wonder why I was ever stupid enough to cause him any upset. He is my everything, and although I don’t say it perhaps as much as I used to (We have been together nearly a year now) it doesn’t mean it’s gone away. It’s mellowed, aged, like a fine wine, and settled into something so much more comfortable and harmonious. We function together. We are the perfect match. Sometimes a little space gives you the perspective you need to realise that, and appreciate it a little more. I wish I could get past my childish ways of discussing things. It’s a big fault and it eats away at me. I don’t like the person I am when I’m in that mood.

Still, I have a lot to look forward to this week. Derren Brown, Southampton, a job interview in the town with the poshest hotel around, James Bourne, and Birmingham. Then next week it’s our anniversary, and I get to go home, visit some friends, and bring my parents back up to Rye to see where I live now.

Small steps, faltering sometimes, but getting there.

N x